Nsync, dried flowers and Grey's Anatomy

Rules:

*Each blogger must post these rules first
*Each blogger must start with eight random facts/habits about themselves
*Bloggers tagged need to write in their own blog about their eight things
*At the end of your blog, choose eight people to get tagged, and list their names

1. When I was young, I used to eat my mum's dried flowers and steal my neighbour's slippers.

2. There are a lot of things I don't like that most people I know like: hawaiian pizza, Grey's Anatomy, that damn ping-pong song by Enrique Iglesias.

3. I cannot stand the sight of blood, flesh and bone, but I'm extremely fascinated with serial killers.

4. I usually must read 2 books at a time, and it must always be one fiction and one non-fiction. I can't read 2 fiction or 2 non-fiction at one go. Why? Because I'm a psycho.

5. The best places I've travelled to are as follows: Koh Samui, London, Bangkok and Osaka.

6. I have a strong suspicion that I will never get married.

7. I will listen to any kind of music except country and German polka.

8. I secretly like to watch Oprah and listen to N'Sync and Westlife. If anyone calls me on it, I will pretend to laugh and scoff, then run away.

Since almost everyone on Multiply has been tagged, I shall tag the following victims:

Aliah
Jayine
Imah
Crystal
Ah Poh
Juanna
Almir
Eugenia

(If I didn't tag you, it's because I saw that you've already been tagged by someone else.)

Hopefully this will go through, no thanks to the stupid intermittent internet connection. *crosses fingers*

Colour The Small One

Apologies to everyone for the recent quiet spell. A lot of things happened to me last week - I quit my job, got a new job, lost my internet connection due to a faulty modem, sprained my back and missed out on both my birthday and Hari Raya. How horrible is that? I've only been able to watch from a miserable distance as everyone else was making preparations and having fun, but that has also rather excused me from having to help clean the house, haha. My best friend also turned up at my house at midnight on my birthday with a beautiful cake, so that more than made up for the fact that I've been stranded at home for the past week.

Still, a few good things came out of it. Watched a lot of DVDs, read a lot of books and found out from the acupuncturist that I have incredibly poor blood circulation and that if I hadn't come to her earlier, it would have resulted in more serious symptoms apart from a sprained back. Also, I've learnt to be a LOT more patient with those old people who walk along pathways very slowly, now that I've been walking like them for a week. Also, some people who I thought would remember my birthday didn't, and those who I thought would have forgotten totally surprised me. So it only goes to show that people always, always surprise you, and to expect any more or any less of them is stupid, especially when I'm guilty of some of the same things myself.

Tomorrow, I start my new job. As I was telling Redz, I hope that this doesn't start a whole round of job-hopping. But you know what, it's sort of like going on lots of dates before settling down with someone you're really serious about. I'd rather wait and job-hop before finding one job I really like, instead of trying to settle down into something straight away and ending up unhappy, which was the lesson I learned last month.

In any case, Selamat Hari Raya, folks. My deepest and sincerest apologies for any wrong that I may have done to you, intentionally or otherwise.

A Time To Be So Small

For the past week, I've been in a really weird mood that I haven't been able to suss out, and it's making me do and say weird things. It's mostly to do with work and my muddled thoughts about -what-the-hell-am-I-doing-with-my-life-and-career and the same old crap. Then earlier, I had a bit of an insight that helped to shed light on why I'm feeling this way.

I was logging into my school portal when I saw an ad (targetted at prospective students) about current students, the degree they're pursuing and what they eventually hope to achieve. There was one about this 50+ year old ang moh engineer who's taking the same course as me and eventually wants to be an English teacher, after a lifetime in engineering.

My first reaction was, "Wah, so old already, still want a career switch? What's the point?" Right there, I managed to pinpoint exactly why I've been feeling so down and weird recently. It was my own skewed perception that the main chunk of life is meant to be enjoyed in your youth, before you hit 40 or 50. At that point, I had these weird, preconceived ideas that you're supposed to be well established in your career and family life before then, not going back to school and making career switches.

But, the thing is, why not? Over half of my schoolmates in the English course are older than my parents. More than 90% of them are juggling full-time work, school and kids. I'm one of the odd ones out who don't have to get up at 4am for some alone time so they can finish their assignments without the kids bugging them. So why do I have the very biased thinking that life is over at 40, 50?

This ang moh engineer reminded me of my dad, roughly around the same age but at the other end of the spectrum. The other day, he messaged my brother to tell him that he had to cut my brother's monthly allowance of $200 in half, because "he needed to save for his old age." Granted, I understand my dad's motivations, but part of me is horrified that my dad doesn't even have any CPF money because he spent most of his life being self-employed and neglected to save any money for his retirement. Now, divorced, alone and broke, he has to skimp on the maintenance money he promised to my brother and my mum just so he has money for his old age.

Now, don't get me wrong, I fully intend to provide for my father once I'm older and he no longer has the capacity to work. But the thing is, if life is really over at 50 as I mistakenly think it is, then what about people like my dad, who don't even have any CPF savings to their name?

I think my biggest fear is that I don't want to end up like my dad. I've had people roll their eyes at me before when I said that, and I get the reply, "Nobody wants to be exactly like their parents, it's not only you." But they don't understand. I'm now recognising signs in myself that are EXACTLY like my dad - the short temper, extravagant spending, a tendency to blame others for our own mistakes. Looking at my own finances, I know it's only a matter of time before I'm 50 and I'm exactly like my dad, living alone with nothing but failed, empty dreams. It makes me sad for him, and it makes me afraid for myself.

I need to get over the mindset that I need to achieve whatever I want to achieve as quickly as possible because I feel that time is running out. It isn't, it's indifferent, it continues whether I agonise over it or not, and I get another year older still stuck in the same rut despite my fretting and whining and overanalysing things. Some things have changed this year, and I actually am happier in the department of friends and family, and I have to work on a couple of other things and just, well, stop complaining about everything and stop having these weird ideas.

Pace Is The Trick

I'd always imagined that my heart was always behind a high-walled fortress, secured with state of the art technology and guarded by huge, burly security guards twice the size of Vin Diesel. But deep down I know better, I know that my heart's guarded by nothing except a battered door barely hanging onto its rusty hinges, and that if I blink for a second, anyone can get past and do their worst. Or their best. So far, it's always been the first one.

I know I'm too flighty, too impulsive, too easily ruled by my emotions. This makes me an ideal candidate for heartbreak, and if it weren't for the advice from more pragmatic friends, I might be worse off than I am today.

At the moment, I'm not too sure what to do. I think burying myself in work and school is a good idea. I should stay away from matters of the heart for a while. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results. If all I have for protection is a rusty door, then I have no business being open to attack from any Tom, Dick or Harry.

Or Andrew.

Watch The World Spinning Gently Out Of Time

You said that we haven't talked in so long, wished that it was more often than this.

I wish it too, but don't you see? I stay away not because I don't care, but because I care too much, and if I don't guard myself, it will be me all on my own, left in the dark, while you battle your own demons.

It's easier not to care, but since I do, I have to pretend that I don't.

Not For All The Love In The World

Just came back from a lovely so-called 'aunty dinner' with Aliah and Imah, and we're so going to do one again during the fasting month and try to drag Crystal (+ Phang) and Azilah (+ Fuad) along, as well as Ariff. This time, we MUST remember to take pictures in a weak attempt to be camera whores.

This month is going to be SO chaotic. Fasting month starts in 2 days, my friend Marcus will be touching down in Singapore in 3 days, and I have almost zero off days this month because the store is opening and we're short of staff. I'm glad to help out, because work's fun, but coupled with another 2 upcoming essays due and the birthdays of a lot of my close friends plus the weddings of 2 childhood friends, I'm beginning to feel like a very small pat of butter being spread very thinly on a very large slice of bread.

So please don't misunderstand if I'm extra quiet this month. But I so definitely want to meet up with ALL of you reading this. I just may not be so vocal, blogwise, unless I want to whine about more impromptu sepak takraw tournaments under my window.

For all cat lovers (and general decent people) please click on the link to >http://unpixilated.blogspot.com>help some poor cats that my friend Aliah is helping to care for at the moment.

Exchange Of The Day

New Colleague: Eh, how come just now I heard you speak Malay?
Me: Because I'm half Chinese, half Malay.
New Colleague: Oh! So you're halal?

The Way I Are

Trying to beef up my essay on science and religion now, which is due tonight, and just as I've settled comfortably and started making some progress, a group of foreign workers have decided to set up shop under my room window and now a sepak takraw tournament is under way. I live on the second floor, so I keep getting distracted by cries of 'Foul!' in Burmese and snatches of a rattan ball bobbing up and down outside my window.

Okay, I've decided to plug in my earphones and try to concentrate like hell. Hopefully they will tire out after an hour or two. Wish me luck, everyone.

PS: While researching for quotes on religion, I found this really dumb one by Linda Evangelista:

"It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren't, then I'd be a teacher."

Everybody Knows That You're Insane

Just some quick updates:

- My new job kicks total ass.
- School is tiring, but fun in a masochistic kind of way.
- People are never, ever, ever what they seem. Ever.
- I need some new music to listen to.
- I need to be more forgiving
- My Swedish friend Marcus is moving here in about two weeks' time. Any suggestions as to how I can best get him assimilated into local culture and stuff? Where should I take him to, for a quick tour?
- Fasting month is already starting so soon! Am still bristling at a colleague who told a customer that 'fasting is optional'. WTF?
- Apologies to everyone: I know I've been quiet, but the madness will settle down soon, I promise. Hope that everyone is doing well, or at least not climbing the walls.

I Predict A Riot

Today was one of the worst working days that I have ever experienced. To top it all off, after work, I received a message from my store manager saying he "needed to talk to me about my work performance and attitude" after receiving feedback from the managers and partners. I got this sms just as I was about to settle down and try to forget today's horrible shift by watching Evan Almighty. That sms ruined the movie for me as well and it was all I could do not to sit there and fume.

After thinking it over for some time and wondering what my manager has to say (yet again), I did promise myself to keep an open mind and listen to what he has to say because if I am really in the wrong, I will definitely need this advice to change my attitude/whatever so it will help me as I progress to other jobs. But at the same time, there is the very distinct feeling of being picked on at work, as well as the fishy smell of favouritism wafting about the place.

I'm just about tired and done. The only real reason I'm staying is because of the people. And I rarely even get to work with the ones that I am staying for. And according to my store manager, they're all apparently giving him feedback about my 'lousy' performance. So my limit is almost up - tomorrow, I will listen with an open mind (as open as I can manage without wanting to throttle someone) and if I get the same old feedback, or worse, get wind of any backstabbing, I'm so out of there. I barely get to see Aliah, Azilah, A'an, Crystal and Ayie anyway even though I'm still working. So I might as well quit and arrange to meet them outside working hours, along with Imah and Lin.

My decision is not quite final yet, it really depends on tomorrow's outcome. We'll see. In the meantime, I'm just going to look forward to starting my new job. At least there'll be a break from all the drama, regardless of whether I quit or not.

Everything Is Everything

Many apologies for the lack of entries - been so busy and swamped with work, school, settling stuff for the new job, then falling sick....it's been a whirlwind. Being both broke and sick is no fun, let me assure you.

Despite being sick, I made myself go for Poptart because I already promised Redz, and ended up enjoying myself. They played a lot of songs that brought memories flooding back for all of us. It's funny how much we associate a particular period in our life (like secondary school, poly, etc) with certain songs or bands. There are some bands or songs that I don't listen to anymore because they bring on such strong emotions. I usually steer clear of them unless I'm in the mood or if I'm alone.

I'd better get going on my assignment which is due on 4 September as well as cleaning my room before the fasting month begins. Time seems to be running out pretty fast, even when I'm sick and supposed to be resting, bah.

A suitable snippet from a long-forgotten song that we heard during Poptart tonight:

"We were sure we'd never see an end to it all
And I don't even care to shake these zipper blues
And we don't know
Just where our bones will rest
To dust I guess
Forgotten and absorbed into the earth below."

- Smashing Pumpkins, '1979'

Someday, When My Life Has Passed Me By

Just came back from the first day of Singfest and a night out at St James, then supper at the ridiculously overpriced Station Kitchen. How about that, ladies and gentlemen? I've gone from not having stepped inside a club for at least 2 years to going 3 times in a week. And I must admit that it's incredibly enjoyable and addictive. I'd like to keep going to Poptart, at least.

Singfest was actually not bad. I was initially in a blue funk and reluctant to go, but Sharon and her lovely friend Wei Ling persuaded me to go (using good old Singaporean common sense "Since you're already here, might as well go, mah..") and I ended up having an unbelievable time. Cyndi Lauper is an amazing, energetic woman who roilly does talks loike dis, ya kno? Shaggy was predictably corny, but very fun to dance along to. He was even invited to join Cyndi on stage for a duet of 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun', the rasta version.

The Stranglers weren't as well known in Singapore and the poor guys were largely ignored except by an overenthusiastic bunch of balding ang mohs in the front row. Still, I recognised their theme song for Keith Floyd's show as well as the Snatch hit 'Golden Brown' and 'Always The Sun'.

For me, the best band of the night were Sugar Ray, who were warm, energetic and genuinely friendly - they even gave out their hotel room number to the crowd, man. They played all the crowd favourites even though I was wistful that they had left 'RPM' off their repertoire. The Pet Shop Boys were also a lot of fun, although they played mostly new material and didn't play my favourite songs. The only classics I recognised were 'West End Girls', 'Go West', 'Se A Vida Ae' and 'Opportunities.' Other than that, they played mostly new songs off 'Minimal'. The choreography was really good though, as well as the set design, and one of the dancers was the spitting image of a taller Elijah Wood.

Hope the rest of you enjoy the second day of Singfest, let me know how it went and whether you guys were elbowed or mauled by more drunk ang mohs.

Musical Chairs

Today, I was telling Andrew something that was really very important to me, and the look on his face and his reaction told me everything. I thought I already had very low expectations of 'us' and what we were, but tonight his reaction pretty much woke me up to the fact that I might have been harbouring far more hopes than I let myself believe I was. In short, I've really been deluding myself.

This happens just when I was promising Redz that I wouldn't over-analyse things or hope for too much. Still, I don't think I had been hoping too much. A good reaction from Andrew was something I would have expected from any good friend.

Been listening to this new band called Ghosts (formerly known as Polanski) and their song 'Musical Chairs' really describes how I'm feeling now.

We run around 'til the music stops
How can I help you if you don't let me in?
I can't tell if we're sane or not
How can I help you if you don't let me in?
Maybe this ain't the game for us
How can I help you if you don't let me in to your life?

Fuck. I didn't think it would hurt this much. But it does. Good thing that both school and my new job starts this week. Then I can at least take my mind off things.

Friday I'm In Love

Wow. Today was one of the best days ever. The Cure concert was pretty decent (they played all the songs I wanted to hear, even if the gig stretched a bit too long, clocking in at 3 hours plus plus...) but I had the most fun ever later at Poptart, which was this indie music event at the Butter Factory.

I normally don't enjoy going clubbing, but dancing to the sounds of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Blur, Kaiser Chiefs, Suede (old school Suede!) and Morrissey with some of your dearest friends in the world is one of the best feelings I have ever had.

To those who were there with me for both the Cure and Poptart, you know you who are. Thanks for one of the best nights ever!

Just Like Heaven

Since a few of us are blogging about Uncle Bob and his friends coming to town and performing tomorrow and posting their lyrics, I decided to post my favourite lyrics of theirs also lah!

I hope they play this song tomorrow!

'Why are you so far away?' she said
'Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you,
That I'm in love with you?'

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water, you're just like a dream
Just like a dream.

- "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure

You're A Rocket Through Me

For the past week, it seems like the word of the day has been 'infidelity'. Now, I don't like to judge people and pretend to be some kind of moral compass or paragon of virtue. But one thing I absolutely cannot stand is infidelity. I've seen first-hand the damage it is capable of and how it tears relationships apart and destroys everything in a family or relationship.

Now, I am no stranger to temptation and I have to admit that I've been tempted before while in a relationship. However, I've never indulged in those temptations, because I had to think about how the other party would feel and how I would feel if I were cheated on. It's one of the worst things in the world and I think that it's something incredibly difficult to recover from and forgive.

There is absolutely no good reason to cheat on someone. If you're feeling neglected or unfulfilled regarding your current relationship, tell the bugger you're with and sort things out. If the relationship cannot be salvaged, break it off before you go off gallavanting with someone else. The main reason people don't break off their current relationship before cheating is because they want to have some kind of safety-net. In case things don't work out with Guy/Girl #2, they can always go back to Poor Sap #1.

Then again, there are relationships where both partners cheat on each other. These are the ones that baffle me the most. I'm not saying it is right because "it doesn't hurt anyone" as both parties have an 'understanding' but it's ripping value from the sanctity of marriage and the idea of being in love with one person and making sacrifices to be with that person.

At the end of the day, I guess I'm just disgusted with how some people are pissing all over the idea of being 'faithful' and thinking it is an option, not a must. Have our values degenerated to such a point where so many marriages end in divorce and the term 'MBA' (married but available) has become so commonplace that it's a joke?

Thankfully, there are still some people I know who scoff at infidelity, and there are some couples who give me some hope that not everyone can't keep their pants on. As Chris Rock famously said, "Every man is only as faithful as his options." That may be true on the surface, but at least I know of a couple of guys who would be glad to prove him wrong.

An End Has A Start

This is probably very meaningless, unexciting and bo-liao, but I thought it was interesting.

I was playing Text Twist (thanks to Redz, who reminded me of its addictiveness) and listening to my Itunes library on shuffle mode. As I was guessing the words, there were quite a few that I didn't manage to guess.

Interestingly, they corresponded with the song that was playing at the time (at random):

Word missed out: "Rev"
Song playing at the time: "Holes" - Mercury Rev

Word missed out: "Arcade"
Song playing: "Ocean Of Noise" - The Arcade Fire

Word missed out: "Editor" and "Edit"
Song playing: "An End Has A Start" - The Editors

Weird, huh? It still doesn't beat the time I read the word "fox cub" in a Murakami book and at that exact moment, my iPod shuffle played the song "Fox Cub" by Mew.

In case you've guessed that I'm a fan of random coincidences, you're a genius.

I Just Want Something, Something For Nothing

Sometimes I look at you and I think that you're maybe the only person I have met so far who has the potential to understand me inside out. And sometimes, I look at you and I wonder if you will ever let down these impenetrable walls that you've built around yourself all these years. Sometimes you let me have a peek, just the quickest glimpse, and I see the stuff that I've been looking for in a person for so long.

I don't know when you're going to let me in and fully trust me. It's still too early for that, we've known each other for a few months but I find that you understand me better than some people who have known me for years. And I do understand you, but sometimes I don't know how to tell you that without making light of your situation.

I'm not in love with you - I'm not that naive or stupid to think that love (the true, deep, tried-and-tested, go-through-all-kinds-of-shit, unconditional kind) can develop so easily over such a short period of time, but if I continue down this path with you, in a year or maybe even ten, it is definitely going to happen.

I just hope that I'm not chicken-shit enough to stay through the rough times and still be here when it happens. Although you're so closed-up and secretive, sometimes you say the most astounding things to me that give me hope that I will still be here always, as I promised.

"Alright, so I guess I owe you some form of payment then."
"Your continued existence alone is payment enough."

This Is The End, The Final Showdown

So it's finally over. Brazil has won the Copa America, beating my beloved Argentina 3-0, one of which was an own goal by Ayala. I can't imagine how he feels, being the team captain and accidentally sabo-ing his country with an own goal. Poor guy.

They just showed a teary-eyed Pablo Aimar on TV. ARGGHH I cannot tahan!

I don't know what's wrong with Argentina today. They were in top form during the match against Mexico, but Brazil were smart enough to stop the Argies from getting into the rhythm of the game. Once they establish that particular rhythm (usually led by Riquelme) it's hard to stop them. So the Brazilians amassed a ridiculous number of yellow cards and fouls JUST to stop Argentina from gaining momentum. Sad, but I have to take my hat off to Brazil for knowing which tactics to use.

Poor Argentina - I hope they don't become a perpetual underdog, because they are far too brilliant a team for that. I'll be crossing my fingers for South Africa 2010 - players like Messi, Mascherano and Tevez will be older and far more formidable. That will be our year.

In the meantime, please let me wallow in depression as I watch my poor boys accept the silver medals.

¡Ay Caramba!

Tonight (or rather, tomorrow morning at 8.50am Singapore time) Argentina will be playing against Mexico in the Copa America semi-final. I'm so bloody excited but pissed because I have to work! I really want to watch the match but I don't think I can find a replacement for tomorrow in such a short time. Sigh.

Argentina has a really good chance of beating Mexico because the main Mexican striker (Castillo) is injured. True, Crespo (Argentine striker) is also injured, but the coach has a wealth of talent to choose from. Most likely, Messi (Pocket Messi is my family's nickname for my favourite player ever, haha) will be in the starting line-up and it's either Tevez or Milito who will pair up with him. In midfield, the playmaking wizard Riquelme will DEFINITELY be featured, unless the coach Basile goes nuts mid-match and pulls him out, just like the previous coach Pekerman.

I really hope Argentina win this one and go on to kick Brazil's ass. I mean, Brazil is a good team, I have to admit, but I'm sick of their overinflated ego and showboating. If they didn't have Robinho, they would have been chopped up by Uruguay into guacamole (Ronaldinho and Kaka opted to sell- sorry, sit out.) It's time for a -real- team to win the Copa. And Argentina seriously deserve it after what they had gone through in last year's World Cup.

Crossing my fingers and toes and eyes for them. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE WIN!

With A Little Help From My Friends

What do I do when I'm angry and depressed? I do the first sensible thing that I've done in months - I stay away from the internet and hang out with my friends and colleagues. The second sensible thing? For the past few days, I have been listening to nothing but pop and dance music. Because it's mindless, it's fun and you don't have to think. And there's really nothing wrong with that. Because if you think too much, either your brain is going to explode, or you're going to go berserk and gun down your local post office. And I'm quite fond of our neighbourhood postman.

I thought I would be getting 2 weeks off to clear my head and get my act together, but apparently not. I have so many errands to run and stuff to finish that I really need to make full use of the 2 off days I do have.

Although there has been a lot of criticism of Live Earth, I really think they got two things right: friends and pop music. Because those two things have a curious but indisputable way of curing what ails you.