Whatever.

At the moment, I'm sick and tired of constantly blowing it. I'm sick and tired of sabotaging myself. I just want to go to bed for a week.

Whoever the hell said, "Go live your dreams," is a stupid dumbass.

Kthanksbye.

Everybody Knows That You're Insane

Don't even think for a minute that I've been obsessing over you and stalking you via Myspace or whatever. If your self-importance is that puffed up, then you're an even bigger jackass than I thought.

I've definitely moved on and done so many new things in my life to be proud of, and met lots of amazing new people who are now friends. So you were just a friend, not even a good one, and the idea that I even think about you when I've got so much else on my plate is laughable.

You're the pathetic one. You're the one making jam for a living and the only way you can ever get a girlfriend is picking on poor vulnerable women online. I was tempted to tell your current girlfriend about your pathetic self-pitying tactics to get women but I thought you two looked happy, so I thought I should leave all alone and continue moving on with my life and ignore whatever I found out about you being a bastard.

You know what? You are a fucking pathetic bastard. That's the reason your wife and all your other stupid girlfriends left you. Because your main act to get women is to appear all "woe is me" and act as though women have always screwed you over. Guess what, buddy? The problem is YOU. You're a fucktard. And I genuinely feel sorry for you because any woman stupid enough to be with you actually has to support your ridiculous jam-making endeavours and all the time you waste playing fantasy football.

Now that I think about it, you really deserve a huge amount of pity. And scorn. Seriously, good luck wading through life with such a ridiculous bag of tricks. I just pity your poor new girlfriend who's probably going to end up supporting you. That's how worthless you are.

Losing My Religion

I realized as I lay down to sleep
We haven't spoke in weeks
So many things that I'd like to know
Come have a talk with me
I need a sign, something I can see
Why all the mystery?
I try not to fall for make believe
But what is reality?

Where do we go?
What do we know?
Life has to have a meaning
Show me the light
Show me the way
Show that you're listening.

Guess it's funny how I say thanks to you
For all you've given me
Sometimes the price of what you gave to me
I can't stop questioning
O God of love, peace, and mercy
Why so much suffering?
I pray for the world, it gets worse to me
Wonder if you're listening.

- John Legend

And I Can't Stop Messing My Mind Up, Or Wasting My Time

We're supposed to be able to do anything we want. For the truly optimistic, they always ring up that damn Adidas phrase, "Impossible is nothing!" For the truly pessimistic, it's usually, "Sigh, trying to survive until the end of the day/week/month/year. Fuck it, lah."

I wonder why we never really realise our do-anything potential until something disastrous happens to take away that potential. Falling sick, for example (and I'm not talking flu here, I mean big stuff like cancer or diabetes) or becoming diabled...only then we'd be all, "Why didn't I do all that stuff when I had the chance?"

It's interesting, because we have that "chance" like RIGHT NOW, and I don't find myself (or many people I know) actualising it. In fact, I spend quite a huge chunk of the day wishing that I were somewhere else, or doing something else, or daydream about stuff like getting my driver's licence. There's just a whole lot of wishin' and not an awful lot of doin', and to my disgust, I spend a lot of time whining about this!

What do I do when I get home from work? Surf the net and watch stupid TV reruns. It's supposed to "destress" me, but I just end up more frustrated when the next working day rolls around.

Can anyone spell 'vicious cycle'?

A Class Act

Everyone's hyper-excited that Obama has won the election. Even though stocks have gone down, it's probably a temporary dive. Still, despite the elation and the feeling that things are finally going to be different, it's hard to deny that McCain's concession speech was a class act.

I read some criticism online that McCain was trying to marginalise Obama's victory because he mentioned race in his speech, talking about how proud the African-Americans must feel. I mean, come on, is it a crime for McCain to say that? It IS true, the blacks must be feeling damn proud that at last the racial barrier is broken in the highest possible office. I'm sure we'd be feeling something too if an Asian-American won a significant election in the US.

I just thought it was an excellent and moving speech. If McCain had campaigned like this, he would have won a lot more support from the undecided voters and moderates, instead of appealing to the gun-toting yeehaws from the Southern states.