I can't remember being this depressed in quite a long time. Feels like everything's going wrong. Feels like I'm watching a train wreck happening frame by frame in slow motion, and I can't do anything to stop it. Because it's always been me, me, me: I'm the one causing my own train wrecks, and I always stand aside and helplessly let them happen instead of going to do something about it.
I can't stem this one - the usual tricks are not working. Distracting myself with books, movies, whatever - I still end up feeling hollow, like I'm cheating myself somehow. It's either feeling nothing or feeling depressed, and I don't know which is worse.
Who knows? Maybe I just need some sleep. Or a good kick in the ass.
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